My Crazy-Ass Lyft Rides - A Series: Part 2

In last week's recap of my crazy AF Lyft ride, we discussed how my driver tried to usurp my freedom of speech/expression because I didn't have a profile picture and her hatred of drunk riders who give her poor scores and tips. At the tail end of last week's conversation she transitioned into her hatred of Nigerian rap as she spoke to... a Nigerian-American passenger (me/narrator).

Let's continue.

1. Her - finds a different station. 
2. Me (Narrator): The music sounds like Reggaeton. Legit, like island music, specifically Dominican I think. 
3. Her: I think this is Nigerian rap. I cannot stand Nigerian rap. It is so not far me. 
4. Me (internally): Triggered. As. Fuck. 
5. Me (Narrator): Ya'll... I'm Nigerian-American.
6. Her:  I just can't stand it. You can't understand anything they're saying. 
7. Me (Narrator): We are not listening to Nigerian rap, we are listening to Daddy Yankee. I cannot. I am laughing hysterically on the inside and trying to decide if I should tell her she has someone with Nigerian lineage in her car. I decide not to because... I owe her nothing. It is at this point that I have to start texting a friend so that I can focus my energy elsewhere. I'm also about a solid 10 more minutes away from home. How on earth have I experienced all of this foolishness with a stranger, and I'm still 10 minutes away from home is beyond me!
8. Me (internally) - This bitch is dumb. I need out of this car. 
9. Me: Mhmm. 
10. Her: Did you know there are a lot of Nigerians in Houston? They all live (insert very specific intersection). 
11. Me (Narrator): You all, this is a lie. Nigerians live all over this city. She is dumb.
12. Me (internally): As fuck. 
13. Her: That area is really kinda tacky. Like the buildings, well you know. But they all live over there. 
14. Me (internally): What the fuck?
15. Her: But their food is delicious. 
16. Me (internally): Am I dead?
17. Her: Since I drive so much, I get all of these recommendations. I walked into one of their restaurants over there by (insert very specific intersection.) I walk in and everyone stops and stares. I think I shocked them. So I say, "It's okay, I'm part of the integration police. I'm here to push integration though." And they all laughed! 
18. Me (internally): Did she just say immigration police?
19. Me (Narrator): No she said integration police.
20. Me (internally): Oh okay because... if it had said immigration police, this would not be funny. 
21. Me (Narrator): It isn't funny now. I doubt anyone really laughed along with her. 
22. Me (internally): Right!?! I think they all just chuckled for her benefit or some shit. 
23. Me (Narrator): They did. 
24. Her: I think I'm the first white person to ever walk into that restaurant. 
25. Me (Internally): OH MY GOD WHY AM I NOT HOME YET. 
26. Me (Narrator): Breathe. 
27. Her: I told them I'm open to try anything so they brought out all these different dishes. It was all so good! Except one of the dishes was kind of slimy. 
28. Me (Internally): Okra soup prolly. 
29. Her: I think it's oak-kra. 
30. Me (Internally): I really do not like when people pronounce things with that accent. It just doesn't sound right. Or like when they say Yo-ROO-Bah instead of how we actually say it, YOUR-roo-bah.
31. Her: Then they asked to take a picture with me. I know why. I told them, fine you can take a picture but you can't post it and say "Even white people eat her." You have to say "Everyone eats here."
32. Me (internally): Is this what she thinks ally-ship is? 
33. Me (Narrator): Yes. 
34. Her: And they did, they posted my picture on Yelp and said "everyone eats here." I've been to a few more restaurants since then. When I can. With Lyft, it's hard though. They're letting me basically use their car but that means I have to do 75 rides per week which really means I have to drive on the weekends but I cannot stand driving drunk people. The only people I can drive who are drunk are like three friends and my sister. I'll give her hell for a few days, but I'll do it.
35. Me (internally): Wait, there are people who plan on being mean to their siblings in advance?
36. Her: Oh, this is a cute neighborhood. 
37. Me: Thank you. It's really quiet. I love it. 
38. Her: No, you're gonna laugh at the reason I said it's cute. It's 'cause everyone's lawn is manicured. I think that's a sign that people care. Like look at all these lawns. See, I didn't even say anything and there's a guy right there working on his lawn. 
39. Me (internally): This woman has no idea that this is the same guy who blasts music after 10pm from his garage for the whole neighborhood to "enjoy."
40. Her: Ugh, but that lawn, and that one...I would just put a little note on the door saying that they should mow their grass because their lawn has become an eye sore. 
41. Me (internally): OMG! So bitches really pre-meditate passive aggressive notes to neighbors? I could never. Thank god this ride is about to end.
42. Her - pulls up to my driveway.
43. Her: Alright this is you. You guys should trim the grass a bit before it gets too out of hand. 
44. Me (internally): Oh my Go---is this bitch insulting my---while I'm still in the---this bitch is toned-mutha-fuckin-deaf. 
45. Me: Bye! Have a great day. 
46. Her: Did you add your profile picture yet? 
47. Me: I will in the house. This is a bad angle. 
48. Her: You should add it now. 
49. Me: I will. Bye. 
50. Me --- flees from car. Eyes wide open. Opens door. Locks door. Dog excited to see me jumbs around my life. 

Ya'll... all of that happened. Like for real for real. I like quiet drivers, but once in a while you are paired with one that likes conversation. For the most part, they're always older gentlemen who want to give life advice. But this one ya'll... this one. 

I'm at a loss. 

Anyway, I immediately called one of my sisters and she laughed hysterically at the tomfoolery of it all. She thinks all of my rides are crazy but that's primarily because A. I use the ride-share apps so much and B. I always call her when I experience one out of pocket. 

And then she told me to write it down. My loss is your gain. Now that I'm not in the car, I can laugh, but that shit was beyond. She was pushy, abrasive, and totally disconnected. 

I still haven't given her a rating.

My Crazy-Ass Lyft Rides - A Series: Part 1

I enjoy using public transportation and I love walks. But, I also utilize a good ride-share because let's be honest, sometimes after you 100th email at work where someone is passive aggressively/actually calling you a bitch for some tomfoolery above your pay-grade, it's best to just get home the fastest way possible. 

My favorite drivers do the following: barely talk to me, make sure the car is super cold (I'm a hot box), and they make sure to ride the toll and/or drive like we have somewhere to go without making me feel unsafe. My least favorite drivers do the following: harass/chastise/scold/demean me and/or make me feel unsafe. Most of my rides are perfect. And then... there are a few exceptional(ly ridiculous) ones that make me call my sister (#2) to tell her what happened.

For my therapy (because processing is important) and for your amusement I present to you part 1 of my most recent ride. It features 4 perspectives.
Her - the Lyft Driver.
Me - What I say to her out loud.
Me (internally) - What I think about the foolishness.
(Narrator) - What I say to ya'll and my internal self while processing.

Enjoy.

1. (Narrator): I order a Lyft after pulling some overtime at work. I'm over it y'all. I often compare the pricing between ride-share apps before ordering and today, lo and behold, Lyft is cheaper than Uber. Lyft it is. 
2. (Narrator cont'd): After Kiki-ing with one of my homies at work, I see that my Lyft Driver is "about to arrive." I really appreciate that Lyft sends this notification. I chunk the deuce to my homie and head outside. It's a beautiful day. 
3. (Narrator cont'd): My Lyft driver swings a massive right to pull up to me. I confidently walk to the car. I hear fucking butterflies y'all!
4. Her: "What's your name!"
5. Me: Um... Nikki...
6. (Narrator): She opens the door for me to enter. I enter. The car smells like Chinese food. She definitely either had a delicious, bomb-ass dinner or she's a double agent and also works for PostMates/UberEats/DoorDash. Fuck.. this gig economy is some bullshit.
7. Her (gruffly): You. Don't. Have. A. Profile. Picture. Why?
8. Me: Um... I don't know. I never thought about it. 
9. Her: You need to get one.  I know most men are responsible for crimes but pictures help keep us safe.
10. Me: Safe! (We literally said the word at the same time). 
11. Her: Yeah. Press the three lines then the third options then--- (at this point I stopped listening).
12. Me (internally): Bitch I'm not about to put a picture up on this app in your car.
13. Me (externally): I need to update the app. I'll have to add a picture when I get home to my wifi. 
14. Her: You don't need to update the app. You can do it now. 
15. (Narrator): She swerves a left. 
16. Her: God I hate this app sometimes. Sometimes it tells you too late what to do and then customer's get mad and think it's your fault. Like especially right now. The app keeps fucking up around the Rodeo (insert your favorite major city event that lasts for more than 3 days, aka SXSW or Awards Season or Mardi Gras etc).
17. Her (cont'd): If you miss your exit you end up having to make a U-Turn and then you end up 30 minutes later.
18. Me (internally): Can we stop talking?
19. Her: And then it makes your score mess up. I had a perfect 5! Like ugh! Okay okay I had a near perfect 5, I was close... and then people start giving you 4s and then people give you 1s!  I mean this one couple was a peace of work. 
20. Me (internally): I don't want to know any of these things. I just want to go home. I'm tired. 
21. Her: This one couple got in... and you know what I hate, drunk folks. Especially folks who want to drink in my car. The one couple got in and they wanted to drink and I told them now, you can't do that. And they were like, yes we can. I told them you can't. It's not legal. And she said, she said oh I'm a lawyer and I know we can. There are special rules.  And I said with all do respect mom, that is not the case. And she said, I'm a lawyer, there are special rules for ride-share. And I told her, that is for limos, not Lyft and Uber. And she said, I'm a lawyer I know. 
22. Me (internally): Why is this happening?
23. Her: I mean there's the open container law in this state. I just hate driving drunks. You want to listen to some music? What do you want to listen to.
24. Me (internally): Oh my gosh yes. That means no more talking. Please be quiet. 
25. Me (externally): Anything you want to listen to. 
26. (Narrator): Ya'll, I recognize this is a cop out but honestly, as long as it ain't grunge metal ya girl is okay. I am literally staring out the window making plans for my life, judging myself, apologizing to myself for judging myself, praying, looking at clouds, thinking about what to have for dinner, thinking about money, thinking about music, thinking about my next film project, thinking about feeling like I'm behind, apologizing to myself for judging myself about where I am in my journey, etc... to care what's going on. I just want to get home in one piece, take off my bra, and watch Youtube videos while trying not to fall asleep. Anyway, so the Lyft Driver finds a station. First NPR then she starts turning buttons.
27. Her: You know the TSU station plays Jazz. I can't find it now for some reason.
28. (Narrator): TSU is an HBCU, a historically black college/university. I am feeling profiled along with my other feelings of major discomfort and over-it-ness.
29. Me (externally): Oh really?
30. Her: Yeah I'm trying to find it. 
31. Me: (internally): Why do ride-share drivers assume all black people like hip-hop/jazz?
32. Narrator): Child calm down. Not everybody is coming for you because you black. Maybe she likes Jazz too. 
33. Her - finds a different station. The music sounds like Reggaeton. Legit, like island music, specifically Dominican I think. 
34. Her: I think this is Nigerian rap. I cannot stand Nigerian rap. It is so not far me. 
35. Me (internally): Triggered. As. Fuck. 
36. Me (Narrator): Ya'll... I'm Nigerian-American. 

To be continued. 

Vows You Should Make To Yourself

Sometimes... you go through it. In a recent bout, that I may or may not still be in, I had to tell myself that it was/is okay to feel down sometimes. I have to acknowledge this feeling in order to process and move forward. In saying that to myself, I had an overwhelming sense that I was doing something ... revolutionary. I was making a vow to acknowledge who I was, even in this dark moment, and to still love on me.

We frequently make commitments to other people but how often do we make a promise to ourselves and honor it with the same devotion? I know for me the answer used be rarely. I want to be more action based with caring for myself. In the end, after all, the longest relationship I will ever have will be the one I have with myself. Let's make it a beautiful one.

My Vows
"Hey Girl Hey! First and foremost, you are 100% the one. Seriously. And since you are the one that I know I will be with forever, I wanted to express a few things to you so that you know what's what.

I vow to live in faith of my life's unfolding.

I vow to honor my calling and live my life.

I vow to care for you during times of hopelessness, despair, depression, disillusionment, or any difficulty that arises.

I vow to love all that places where I have not fully loved myself especially the parts of me that  scared, ashamed, or simply in need of my warmth instead of my criticism.

I vow to do whatever it takes to know who I really am, and I live as that person.

I vow to work to heal my emotional wounds.

I vow to be honest with myself, even when I am immensely afraid.

I vow to fall more and more in love with myself every day for the rest of my life.

I vow to enjoy the little moments that life gives me.

I vow to love my life, even on the days I struggle.

I vow to work hard.

I vow to cherish the people that are on this rollercoaster life with me.

I vow to not let my past hold me back from my future.

I vow to count my blessings each and every day.

I vow to thankful and practice gratitude daily.

With this I embrace the with all that I am and all that I will be forever and always. Yours truly."

:D

Side Effects of Being an Oldest Child

When I was younger, I seamlessly accepted the quasi-adult-parent status required of a Nigerian daughter because I had to. That meant I got amazing grades at school and cleaned up around the house after people. To this day, I remember being banished to the kitchen to wash our family's epic brunch mornings. I would have to clean all the pots, plates, cups, silverware plus the dining room, kitchen and floors while everyone else was ki-ki-ing in the living room enjoying themselves. Those hoes weren't loyal.

Anyway, one day, all of us kids were on our way to church when we assembled into our family van (a requirement if you have more than 3 kids). Because seniority is a big thing in Nigerian culture, I would sit in the front. But this one day, I realized that this meant that I'd be stuck doing a bunch of tasks for my mom and that I was also easy access to a quick disciplinary pop if I was quick with the lip. So, I graciously gave up this "opportunity" and moved my ass to the back of the bus (okay it was a van). Problem solved. Champion level achieved.

You know what I realized in that back row? For the first time in my life I got a small dose of what it felt like to not "have to." It sounds messed up, but when that's all you do your entire life, you start to revel in these little moments of "I only have to think about me." This is so pivotal when you are reared to think your needs come second to others. As a natural people pleaser (I'm a girl, in a Nigerian family, and I'm the oldest... I was low-key/high-key trained to be), I finally got the chance to think about my needs.

I would read eons of books in the back seat. I would imagine these wonderful futures for myself. I would sleep. I mean sleep is a commodity when you're house is on 10 because of all the people in it.

We'd get back to the house and we'd pile out of the van and I'd return to the oldest-female-child responsibilities. (And I recognize, my mom needed me.) But on those family car rides to church, or parties, or the grocery store, that backseat gave me a little bit of peace. Some me time to learn about myself. And it was glorious.

Basic AF Guide to Self-Love on Valentine's Day & The 5 Love Languages

It's the day of love. (No, it's not basic to want to celebrate Valentine's Day!) It's nice to have a day dedicated to love (or the idea of it anyway). Love's cute... ish. But self-love, now that's beautiful. And so, this Valentine's Day, I say spend a little time loving up on you!

I'm also fascinated by the concept of love languages. If you aren't familiar, it's an idea that breaks down the ways to express and experience love into 5 categories. It's based on the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by pastor and Dr. Gary Chapman. There are 5 primary love languages: physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, and quality time. My love languages are very much acts of service and quality time. You can take a quiz here to figure out what your love languages are.

The idea behind the book is that once you know how you and those you care about receive love, you can get to affirming that love in a way that they can actually feel and understand. This is a game-changer! What if, instead of waiting for others to properly show their love to you ('cause let's be honest, this can be hard), what if... you loved on yourself! 

Boom!

So, for this most sacred of non-sacred days, I present to you a how-to-guide-for-self-love-on-Valentine's-Day, vis a vis, the 5 love languages. Enjoy

Physical Touch
Basic Tenant: Learn to love your body.

• Masturbate
• Give yourself a gentle head massage.
• Lightly touch, tickle, wiggle and/or graze parts of your body that are often 
• eg. feet, knees, calves, hips, biceps, elbows, neck, fingers, toes. 

Quality Time
Basic Tenant: Solitude (or Taking Yourself Out aka Enjoying Your Own Dang Company)

• Collect your Favorite things. 
• Find a quiet area/room/corner. Lock the door (or build a fort).
• Spend time by yourself and enjoy your own entertaining and glorious-ass company. 

This, without a doubt, will be me.

Acts of Service
Basic Tenant: Take care of your (basic) needs.

• Put a small task on your to-do list, do it, and cross it off.
• Pay for someone else to do a task on our to-do-list, and cross it off.
• Take an Uber/Lyft/Rideshare to work
• Get your groceries delivered
• Hire a chariot to take you around the neighborhood.
• Order a cleaning service
• Get a mani/pedi/eyebrow situation going 

Words of Affirmation
Basic Tenant: Positive Self-Talk/Be Your Biggest Cheerleader

• Take your phone and go into a quiet area.
• Record yourself saying favorite things about yourself (go as far back as you want to)
• Go to a mirror. Look at yourself. Smile in the mirror. Play the recording.
• (Alternatively you can just go to a mirror and say the things. I find that the recording may help for the future when you don't believe how awesome you are, or can't put the words together, and need an outside force to tell you.)
• If you cry. It's okay. 
• If you struggle, go find some Maya Angelou text. Be Uplifted. 

Gifts
Basic Tenant: Self-Investment

• Buy. Yourself. Some. Nice. Shit. 
• Twice over. 
• Minimum of $20.
• Maximum - The limit does not exist. 

Happy Valentine's Day. 
(Leave a note in the comments with your love language!)

PS. If you have duo-love languages, by all means mix and match my suggestions above.

• Quality time + physical touch = Masturbate
• Words of affirmation + gifts = Buy yourself a trinket with a powerful quote... or get a tattoo. 
• Acts of service + quality time = Book a 2-hour massage, or book four 30-min sessions for the next 4 months.

PSS. If you know someone's love language, share the love. Sprinkle them with some warmth. 

Don't Play Yourself - A Lesson from Carlton Banks

One of my favorite episodes from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" is "Stress Related" from season 6 episode 3, aka "That Time Carlton Banks Straight Up Played Himself." Oh my Lordt! Peak foolishness and naïveté.

What had happened was...  Carlton waltzes into his family's living room to loudly and proudly proclaim to his father that he'd just gotten "the" job. Except, he had not. Like... AT ALL. (I'm laughing already!) He is basing this job that is "in the bag" solely off of the body language of his interviewers. What is this body language you may wonder?

A wink and the gun. 

Bihhhh Whet!?!?! He knew there were other applicants, he knew he was too young for the job, and yet he still began celebrating, before getting said jobs, because a bunch of white dudes in a boardroom gave him a wink and the gun. (First of all, everyone knows that white guys don't commit to anything with no wink and no gun. COME ON MAN! You better get a handshake, a signed and notarized contract, and a golf game followed by a night with strippers before you believe that).

To be fair, I understand where Carlton was coming from. He's young... dumb... full of hope. Sometimes you over-reach when seemingly positive vibes are flowing in a room. But let's face it, a lot of white guys really do love to do "the wink and the gun" and it means not a damnt thing.

Exhibit A: Nice, Approachable White Dad - Danny Tanner (played by Bob Saget)

Exhibit B: Dopey-Looking White Guy - Jake Gyllenhaal (I will literally never get his appeal).

Exhibit C: Annoying AF White Guy Who Is Your Boss - Michael Scott (played by Steve Carell. Have ya'll seen Steve lately!?! Zaddy. I don't make the rules, my body just responds).

Exhibit D: Mansplaining White Guy - George Costanza played by Jason Alexander

Even looking at the body language of this motion, I see nothing about it says "I am telling you truth." It looks like someone promising you something that they can't deliver... which is exactly what happened to Carlton when he found out he did not get the job. (Re-live it here.)

The Point
While you can't necessarily depend on someone else to give you an opportunity, regardless of how dazzling, warm, and sweet they may talk to you, there is one person on whom you can depend. 

Yourself.

That, my friends, is a golden nugget! You know you better than anyone else. You can give yourself opportunity, or at least a chance. I know this because I've been forced to learn this lesson time and time again. Yes, I have been able to benefit from wonderful opportunities that other people have given to me. My parents, my siblings (sometimes), a scholarship here and there, a few great teachers and mentors along the way. But to be honest, there's a lot I haven't gotten. There's a lot that about me that society likes to deem unworthy of chance or opportunity. I'm a black woman and and an artist and I've made massive mistakes. I'm not supposed to "get" anything. And you know what. So what.

I have the power to create opportunity for myself and I should! 

You are your own accelerator. You are your own momentum.

So even if it's something small. Whether it's one push up, one page, one task, do it. You can depend on your own efforts, your own purpose, and your own clear vision for you life. 

One step at a time homie. One step at a time.

Lessons from a Nigerian American Vol. 1 - Diplomacy... Fcuk Diplomacy

I am the oldest in a large Nigerian family. Nigerians... have strong AF personalities. SHTKRONG!

They *will* get their point across, one way or another. Some, through immense action, and some, through adamant relentless inaction. In my family I've got a sister who is wordsmith assassin with the ability to make grown men cry with a single 180 character text message. Another sister's who's tiny but who's wit will make you crumble. Another who will listen to you in earnest then respond to you with "I hear you but that's nonsense"... because it is. I have who's feelings you cannot hurt because he does not care and another brother who we refer to ask the sniper because he's not always saying something but when he does, phew. Good luck.

And then there's my mom. A Nigerian woman. The first in her family. Survivor of a civil war. Widowed at a young age. And she raised all 6 of us. She's got lots of opinions and has been able to parent solo-dolo for decades. Her opinions have gone unchecked for a minute. (When it's in my favor, I love it. When it's not... UHMMMM).

And then there's me. I can be explained as an anomaly in my family by 3 recent short stories.

Story 1 - Baby Brother Peptalk
Recently my baby brother told me, and I quote, "You need to be a bigger asshole."

"A what?"

"A bigger asshole. This family is filled with assholes and you're just..." he motions awkwardly taking his hands outward towards the horizon... as if to say I am softie.

"I can be an asshole! I just don't see the point."

"Nah. Be a bigger asshole. I want greater things for you!"

End of conversation.

The heck! This is from my baby brother and he straight up gives me "I am your dad advice" talks. And I stand.

Story 2 - Sister's Secret Gossip
My family refers to me as "the writer." They constantly send me drafts of things to edit, fix for grammar, make flourish and pop off the page. You get my drift. 

Baby sister comes downstairs. Mind you... she had sent me an email earlier that day intended for editing... she wanted to send it to one of her supervisors at work.

"So... we've been talking and... you been slacking on editing and advice giving duties."

"Who is we?

"The sisters and I have decided that you're writing hasn't been poppin' lately. It's like you DGAF!"You just said some bullshit about how it was fine."

"No, but then---"

"No no no... Do better."

She walks off.

This is my baby sister... also giving me life advice.

Story 3 - Mom
My mom is an educator which means in addition to educating she is surrounded by bullshit bureaucracy. From time to time she's ask me to edit important memos to make sure that the tone is right.

"Nicki, you're such a good writer. You're so diplomatic."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are. You know how to say things and you always try to keep the peace."

"I mean doesn't everyone."

"No."

Me Now
You know what, fuck it all. Honestly, I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or if it's because I'm over the bullshit, but fuck diplomacy sometimes. A lot of people are walking around this world not knowing they can be better by doing better if they heard better from a friend... or a diplomatic hater. Sometimes you need to fucking tell someone the truth about themselves (albeit with as few profane words as possible... and maybe not write it down then rehearse it).  

(Aww shit.. I did it again. GRRRR! I guess... I don't know how to not be rude. Ah well!)

Self Awareness is Everything

4 Things About Nickclette Izuegbu

I should clarify that this is a list of seemingly "mundane" things. But the saying goes that the beauty is in the (little) details? People often introduce these types of lists with a paragraph of filler nonsense. This is my paragraph of filler of nonsense. Are you amused? Now, to the list.

• Part of A Team - I am of 6, the oldest to be exact. I often refer to them by numbers because I don't really believe that anyone remembers the names of other people's siblings... even if they are your friends. Unless your Beyonce and Solange. 1-3 are girls, 4 is a boy, 5 is a girl, 6 is a boy. I really appreciate that there are so many of us because it allows for buffers and provided me with a set of automatic playdates growing up. 
• Parenting Life Hack - my mom has a lot of people to "fall back" on when she's older if needed. (Not that she would ever want to.)

• I love public transportation. Whenever I go to a new city, figuring out how to get around without a car is one of the things I have to do to feel at ease. It gives me a sense of peace and removes the "AHHH I'm trapped" feelings I am sometimes prone to. I like the independence of it to... and it's super cost-effective. Ding and Ding. I also enjoy seeing a city this way and meeting all of its residents. Unless they are weird and touching me and then I'm like fuck it, where's my Uber/Lyft.

• I LOVE LIBRARIES. I think it's so neat that you can go to a place and learn about the world. I know there's the internet but there's something different about escaping to a place where the point of it is knowledge with some community services thrown into the mix. Romantic Idealist here. It's also a place where a left of people kind find refuge because you can basically have free water, free internet, free AC/Heating, and a chair.  And if you're like me (or the dearly departed Stan Lee of Marvel Comics fame), you're created entire universes on the city's dime. I stan. (Get it... hahahaha. I slay me.)

• I love grocery stores. It's kind of odd but I love ambling through good market and discovering things I've never seen before. Walking the aisles is this unique sensei moment for me where I'm unwinding and shuffling off the day (and any bullshit that came with it). I instantly move into a new world. Should I be going to the grocery store everyday after work? Probably not. Is it weird to do this after a shift that ends at 10/11pm? Maybe. Do I do this anyway? Yes.

My 2019 Vision Board: A Tale of Self-Sabotage.

Vision boards. I enjoy making them. It's a great way to exercise my imagination and picture a reality that I want for myself. And while it's definitely something a lot of people make at the beginning of the year, I wouldn't call it a required task. If anything, I think writing out your goals for the year and breaking the actions needed to turn those goals into facts is a better indicator of success for the coming year than vision boarding. Seriously, THAT PART.

Bu t's still fun to SEE the things you want. After having my year-in-review meeting with myself (I am a corporation) where I reviewed the failures and success of last year and then planned my goals for the next (breaking down the actions needed to achieve them into quarters), I was ready to craft!

And... I got stuck.

When I tell ya'll, I came up with every (stupid) excuse known to man to not make the vision board including:

• I didn't have the right magazines to find pictures that matched my vision. 
• I promised my sister I'd wait so we could do it together. 
• I promised my sister I'd wait before cutting her magazines. 
• I don't have the right poster board to put the pictures and quotes on. 
• It's raining outside and I can't go out and get any. 
• No one will buy me one.
• It's too late in the day to start.

I even found some white 8.5X11 printer paper and was going to paste a few sheets together and then I thought "Oh no! If the paper is fragmented, my dream is fragmented. It won't work."

My sister finally caved and told me she had some colorful teacher/butcher coloring paper from school. It was slightly wrinkled but it was a single sheet, which is what I wanted. I put it on the wall to began assembly and all all of a sudden.... the single sheet of paper, that was colored, that I wanted was too too dark.

Self-sabotage is real.

Ya'll, I have already cut all the things I want to put on my board and I'm still waiting for it to be perfect before I start AND the dang thing is for my eyes only! What in the actual humanoid-self-sabotage-fuckery is this!? I have literally already written the goals, the steps to achieve them, I have cut the magazines and procured images and I'M OVER HERE OVERANALYZING OVER SOME PAPER.

This is how waiting for the perfect moment to fulfill your dreams/goals will have you fucking up your own blessings.

SO, I'm going to sit my ass down and paste this white paper together or maybe use these red butcher paper and I will COMPLETE THIS VISION BOARD. Then, I'm going to finish this blog and post it on the internet because I promised that I'd post a blog a week for the year.

Phew. Be better than me from 30 minutes ago stressing out over paper. (I'm still lowkey mad at myself).

This is my vision board. I ended up venturing out to get white posterboard because I wanted to see the negative white space. Go figure. Self awareness is real. My vision board was a little late. But my vision board is done. Me: 1 My Ego: 0

The Dog(s) Who Saved My Life

Animals will teach you about yourself, more specifically, animals will tell you if you are a jaded, dark vortex surrounded by walls made of mortar and dragon-stone. (Yes, I miss Game of Thrones).

To be fair, a lot of us have built up these walls to protect ourselves from the world, from judgement, from abuse, from cruelty. Doesn't matter the reason, sometimes artificial armor (like lot of makeup or overly coiffed beards) or emotional armor (not smiling at strangers, pretending to have your headphones in your ear to avoid contact, walking fast to avoid catcalls) is damn near necessary.

But let me not presume... I don't know all of ya'll so it may be best if I speak for myself.

There is one dog in particular who helped make some of my armor come crashing down. Meet Junior, or Junie for short. A small, loud, needy, thirst-bucket with a pension for human food and human touch. Technically she "belongs" to my sister but with the amount of dog-sitting that I do, I feel like I have co-parenting rights.

Junior "Junie" Izuegbu (and one of her favorite toys laying in the back)

When I tell you I used to RUN for high heaven when whenever I saw a dog. You couldn't get me near a dog to save my life.

EMBARRASSING STORY-TIME:
One day I a group of us kids went to the home of our daycare owner because she had a pool, it was too hot, and field trips were expensive. We enter the house and I began my anthropological analysis of her home. Ms. Nabila, the daycare owner, was from the Middle East and she had one bi-racial daughter in her twenties and I was the oldest of of a very large Nigerian family. I was intrigued by the similarities and differences of what a "home" was.

I'm casually making a mental note of her Designing-Women-meets-Golden-Girls design aesthetic WHEN OUT OF F*CKING NOWHERE, A GOLDEN RETRIEVER WITH DJ KHALED LEVELS OF HYPENESS CAME BOUNDING OUT OF SOME PRIVATE DEAN OF HELL AND YA GIRL... RAN! I  flew up onto the couch of respectable company and stood there like useless goat stuck on a volcano surrounded by hot, flowing, molten lava. When I say fly, I mean ffffflllllyyyy. Not jump. Not hopped, ya girl flew. Fun fact, that's the same day I almost drowned in a pool. Imagine if that dog, who's advances I'd shunned, who could probably swim, would have been forced to save me? I would have been a gone-er.

Me: the lamb/ Dog: the predator (I SAIDT WHAT I SAIDT)

EMBARRASSING COLLEGE STORY-TIME
Then came college. People would always let their dogs run free in Harvard Yard and there was no way I was going to make it to Chem 5 if I couldn't walk past their over-eagerness to "get to know me." It may have been part of why I never did finish being PREMED. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Don't let this submissiveness fool you. That ball is red for a reason.

Time passes and my baby sister is gifted a puppy, Junie. About a week into my constant interaction with her, I realized, I'm wasn't deathly afraid anymore. Her reaction to me is pretty much one of a constant need for snuggles, cuddles, and human body warmth. Like... she is a genuine thirst bucket.

My reaction to her? I care if she's had enough puppy massages. I get stressed out when I realize it's been several hours since her last walk or poop. Or how she happens to know when I walk in the door and starts barking *my* attention. There are other people in the house ya'll! How does she know and sense the heaviness of *my* gait? And that shit is high-key annoying for someone who likes peace and quiet and stress free zones.

But you know why she's awesome? She forgives. She loves. Freely. She's brought out a softer side to my entire family. My Nigerian mom wakes up and buys chicken... for Junie! One of my brothers jokingly let it slip that Junie was lowkey a therapy dog for him.

To be honest, her arrival helped me get through one of the darkest time in my life. She was a gift in more ways than one and I am forever grateful that the "walls of defense" I created were trampled by this little white-and-peanut-butter-colored nugget of a dog. She's the best.

Junie, if you can read this, the family loves you.

(Actually Junie, if you can read this, we have bigger problems.)

How can you not cuddle her. Junie... you da besssst!

5 Things to Start Before the End of The Year

Welp, it's October. Homegirl's come hard and fast. The year of our lord two thousand nineteen is rushing towards us with open arms. And even though 2019 is not a prime number, I have a feeling that this year will be primetime for many peoples' lives. (Yes, I realize I that was corny.) All that aside, even though I am prone to overthinking my future because... you know, why not, I want to make sure that I take the time to really soak up the remainder of 2018, and all her voluptuousness, before she bounces on out. So, I present to you the five things I'm going to start doing (more of) before the end of 2018.

1. Make Gratitude an Active Practice
During the latter part of this year, I came across an exercise that was so simple, that my not doing made me feel guilty. What is it? Practicing gratitude on the daily. Instead of waking up in the morning and going on autopilot into Instagram (damn you and your addictive algorithm), I am going to continue to make a list of things I'm grateful for. I'm gonna pop open my notes app and jot down the first 5 things that pop into my head. I can't like, air conditioning is always at the top of the list, followed by functional knees that don't lock, followed by having a job or somewhere to go collect coins.

In all seriousness, I'm going to make Gratitude it an ACTIVE PRACTICE. Like athletes to drills and musicians to scales, I'm going to condition that muscle of gratitude. This means if I have a lull in the day or a moment of sadness, yes I will acknowledge it, but I will also find something to be grateful for. Here's the thing, you can still be sad yet happy at the same time. I believe you can do so by practicing the act of gratitude. And just in time of Thanksgiving.

2. Be of Service
Sometimes being of service is annoying. Especially when you feel like you're being taken advantage of. But I realized, sometimes, you're not actually being hurt, you're just being inconvenienced. This active of simple service is absolutely different for everyone. Maybe it's offering my seat to someone on the train/bus when its full. Maybe it's even smaller than that like TAKING YOUR BAG OUT OF THE SEAT NEXT TO YOU SO SOMEONE CAN ACTUALLY SIT DOWN. (I digress).

Maybe yours is a little bit bigger, like cooking a meal for your family and loved ones once a week just because. Or being consistent with a chore or some mundane tasks that makes someone else's life easier. And don't even let them know, just do it. Heck, you can become the tea/treat person at your work just randomly giving out treats like that imaginary melanin deficient man of yonder who lives somewhere north. Those little surprise acts of service may brighten someone else's day. And beyond that, you will find an this adds joy to your own day. 

3. Learn Some Sh*t About You
People be out here dating and not even knowing what they like to eat on a restaurant menu. How's about you pick a day, once a week, or maybe twice a month, PUT IT IN YOUR CALENDAR WITH AN ALERT, and treat yourself to some new experiences. Try something new (and legal) that makes you nervous. Try something that makes you uncomfortable. Try something that you know you like but haven't done in ages. Just figure some shit out about you. You speak to yourself everyday and sometimes we can be mean to ourselves. Let's work on it by just treating ourselves to some real moments of joy and self acknowledgement. But for real, be about it. Put an actual date, once a week, in your google calendar, with an alert and a reminder! (I'm all about being tangible). Your brain will get so used to that weekly "me" time you won't know what to do. (Cue "I'm Feelin' Myself").

4. Read a book.
Any book. Please. You can follow my online book club/recommendation profile on GoodReads.  Let's expand these minds.

No seriously. You need to be able to answer the question "what's your favorite book?" without 'uhmmming.' Or at least be able to answer the question "what kinds of things do you like to read?"

Again. One. Book.

5. Write It (All) Down.
Whether it's your feelings, your goals, your to do list for the morning, you need to write it down. And revisit it. Check the list off. Writing things down will really make you get more stuff done and will get you more in tune with who you are and eventually with what your purpose is. It sounds so basic "Just write it down on paper." Yo, I'm serious. It will change your life.

A few years back, I started writing down my goals for the upcoming year, and usually this was usually in December. Then a couple years back, I started breaking them down into quarterly goals. I figured, business have yearly goals and so do I. I can probably reverse engineer this sh*t outta my life. Reminded me of how I started preparing for college freshman year of high school. And last year, I broke it down to a monthly level.

One of my favorite things to do now is have regular quarterly meetings with myself. Having stuff written down let's me see what's not working so I can fix it and what IS working so I can applaud myself. It's so easy when you're grinding on person goals and fulfilling mundane adult tasks to feel like you're not moving the boulder, or climbing the mountain, or ... you choose your own metaphor. Having it written let's you actually see progress! Not only with "success" markers with your career but you also so emotionally guideposts of changes. Have you ever read your journal from middle school and high school and felt for yourself? Things that were so heavy in that moment, compared to now, seem silly. Writing it down lets you actually see that change and growth in the self.

So. Let's Finish. Let's Finish Strong.

In the immortal words of the famous poet Waka Flaka "Oh let's do it, YUP!"

Bruno Mars - The Accidental Thirst Trap

On this brisk autumn day in the year of our lord two thousand seventeen, I would like to give thanks for the life of one Peter Gene Hernandez, aka Bruno Mars.

I posit that there is not of a single soul who does not appreciate Mr. Mars. You can fight me on that. Let's test the theory, shall we? Your boyfriend's triflin' BFF - does he nod in approval while "Chunky"? Yes. Jan in human resources - does she have him playing on her city's soft rock station? Yes. Even your uncle, you know the one who forgets that he's your uncle and openly says stuff like “we gave women an inch and they took a foot, now the worlds gone to shit"... yes, is that dude boppin' around to Bruno Mars while you pretend he can dance? Yes... even that dude, likes Bruno Mars. He does it for me. He does it for all of us.

As a detailed oriented person, I want to be particular about my praise. So here goes. (Clears throat).

I would specifically like to thank his production team for giving us the ‘That’s What I Like' music video. Swag level off the charts. Peak cool. Epic trill. And the video... this video in particularly... is deceptively simple! I love that. To the untrained eye it’s just a dude, looking fresh, and dancing by himself. (Ain't nothing wrong with that.)

I’d like to thank him for being part of the squad that brought back the cool part of the 90s. I remember hearing this track for this first while my younger sister was dropping me off at the airport.

Me: Who's fly-ass old song is this and why have I not heard this before?
Sister: Bruno Mars. He's kinda like a New Edition. You know them right?

Me: Listen here you young-whipper-snapper. What do YOU know about New Edition?

To be fair... I barely know who they are, twas before my time but... bish, who is you!? My neck still hurts from the unnatural whiplash I had in that moment. The boldness of the youths.

Anyway... I want to thank Bruno Mars for making the 90s not look so cheesy. I want to thank Bruno Mars for... for basically being the equivalent of the HS junior you had a crush on when you were in the entering freshman year. Innocence. Ah… times were simpler back then.

I want to thank Bruno Mars for actually knowing how to sing and knowing how to execute an amazing live show. I want to thank Bruno Mars for being woke without being annoying. I want to thank Bruno Mars for being a cultural icon for short dudes who needed someone. (We all need heroes). I want to thank Bruno Mars for providing hits. I want to thank Bruno Mars for being the cultural pillar you can bring up at a family gatherings without causing a fight.

Bruno Mars... You're what we all like. You're what we really really like.

Tina Belcher Swoon/Faint. (Side note: I am absolutely laughing at myself so hard right now.)

Because I know that if I give, I shall receive, I give you this. Use surround sound when playing.

4 Podcasts You Should Listen To Now: Fall 2017

Podcasts and I have a thing going on. And although I like my relationships to be exclusive, I've decided I'm open enough to share some of my faves with you. You're welcome. Below are four (4)  podcasts that I listen to religiously. Are these new to you? Are there any that I am missing? PS. I did a podcast post earlier this year and you can check that out here for more recommendations!

The My Taught You Podcast is hands down one of my favorite podcasts. Myleik Teele, its host, is an absolute BOSS. She's the founder of curlBox, a subscription based hair care service. Myleik is absolutely someone I look up to. It's very comforting to find an immensely successful and ambitious black woman who doesn't have a cookie-cutter past. Often, the media doesn't share the stories of these type of women, the imperfect ones who have made mistakes who are also astoundingly talented, hardworking, and driven. Discovering Myleik and her story was truly a godsend for me. She checks herself relentlessly and is very vocal about the need for self-care and therapy. BONUS: she has a really long backlog of episodes (5 years worth #YAS!) Some of my favorite interviews include Senior Vice President, Production at Warner Bros. Pictures Niija Kuykendall, Fashion & Beauty Editor-At-Large of Instyle Magazine Kahlana Barfield-Brown, business owner and go-to stylist Ursula Stephen (Rihanna takes her on tour), and author, media strategist, and a media columnist and editor-at-large for the New York Observer Ryan Holiday. She's pretty much goals. 

Now, WTF with Marc Maron... is probably one of my most listened to podcasts. Its host Marc Maron, also a stand-up comedian and actor currently starring in Netflix's "Glow," is funny and sardonic in the most painful, self-deprecating yet warm and lovable way. This dude-pa (is that rude?) calls out BS in politics, life, career and love/lust. He doesn't hold the punches when it comes to politics, work, ambition, relationships, etc. The truth bombs hurt so good and make me laugh so hard. He's basically the favorite uncle you pray is at the family function because you can count on him to talk (honest) shit about your family, to tell you funny stories about his life-learned lessons and mistakes, and to ask you otherwise embarrassing questions that you can't stop spilling your guts about. He's the best. His audience base likely looks completely different demographic than me but whatever. BONUS: He's interviewed Obama and it is amazing. Also, his backlog is in the 800s.

Bad With Money (NPR) is for anyone who has ever felt bad with money (read: everyone). Each week its host Gaby Dunn, a former Buzzfeed writer/director, breaks down key financial topics that she has yet to fully grasp. Through a combination of personal interviews and investigative journalism, she tackles topics that range from credit card debt to student loans, from retirement to mortgages and everything in between. Each weeks' topics give multi-layered insight and cuts to the roots of that problem like a skilled surgeon removing a tumor.  I won't lie to you - because the show is about... well... ineptitude AND fucked up financial industry practices, sometimes I leave feeling like "well crap... we're all screwed, what am I supposed to do now?" So, I take breaks between weeks. Just because learning is hard doesn't mean you don't do it. The show is really very smart, insightful, and relateable. BONUS: Even though it's got a millennial tilt to it, it really can help any and everyone. The show also acknowledges that the topic is tough. I appreciate self-awareness!

Masters of Scale is gonna be your jam if your into learning about how large-scale businesses handled their growing pains. Hosted by by LinkedIn Co-Founder and Greylock Partner Reid Hoffman, its focus is about how companies have managed to grow ten-fold. He gets really great interviews from the people "that matter." Their Facebook episodes feature interviews directly from Mark Zuckerberg and Cheryl Sandberg. The editing of this podcast is top notch. Yes, I get excited about production quality. That. Stuff. Matters. And theirs? ARE REALLY GOOD. I listen to this podcast when I'm going for a long lunch break walk or in my morning commute. BONUS: Again.. production quality. Also, this is basically like getting an MBA for free!

   

    

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7 Life Lessons from Carefree Cardi B

Let's face it, the world feels really tough right now. Folks are walking around this planet purposefully making shit difficult FOR NO REASON because... well some folks are just bullshit people. Some folks have no sense, no compassion, and no sense of joir de curve. Some folks, lack the insight to realize that their bullshit-ass actions can and often do impact other people.

However, despite all of that negativity, some amongst us remain shining beacons of light who continue to laugh unapologetically, scream with abandon, and dance like nobody's watching. Spotlight of carefree joy this week? Rapper Cardi B.

Cardi B is the epitome of a Carefree Black Girl. (And yes, I know she's Dominican. Afro-Latina is a thing. Let's just enjoy this gif she's given to the world).

Why is she so dope? She's basically Rihanna's little sister who just so happened to grow up in the same house as you. She's got all the energy in the world, minimal filter, but all the common sense of her elders. She knows exactly what she wants that there are multiple ways to get it. I mean this she's always wanted to be a rapper but whole-heartedly admits that while she worked towards the dream, she also legitimately worked to pay the bills.
Sense.

She also managed to not only become a breakout star on the reality tv show and cash-cow of Love and Hip Hop New York (never watched it), but also cut the cord before her personal life blew up on TV. Oh, and that show... tell me why she's the only star to make it to the Billboard Pop Charts? Top Ten as we speak.
Sense. Ambition.

She's also genuine and honest, perception be damned. And it works. The access she gives the world, her frankness and humor... all of it is refreshing and comforting. She's not packaged (yet). She's offers a ton of wisdom, playfulness, depth (yes,... depth). She's not about being perfect. She knows that she doesn't have to be. She has embraced herself and for folks like me, that's ... amazing. 
Sense. Ambition. Self-Love.

She's basically the best. Bodak Yellow has a great hook. And I'm here for any and all success she has in this ridiculous cultural climate in which we find ourselves. Now, below I've curated some great gifs of Cardi B so that you can collect your entire life. You're welcome.

Lesson 1: Be Forgiveness but Hold People Accountable

Lesson 2: Invest, invest, invest.

Lesson 3: Always Follow Through and Set Clear Expectations

Lesson 4: Be Consistent & Honor Your Feelings

Lesson 5: Self-Care is Paramount

Lesson 6: Destroy Hegemonic Structures & Social Norms

Lesson 7: Be Empathetic and Have Patience

And of course, I present to you "Bodak Yellow."

For Me Read:

Carefree Black Girl Spotlight: Solange Knowles

Nneka the Uber Driver Parody

5 Podcasts to Listen to Before Summer's Over

Carefree Black Girl Spotlight: Solange Knowles

Solange. Muthafuckin Solange. Is a G. She is arguably the carefree-est of all the carefree black girls living on this island called "Society Doing The Most." She is one of my iconic examples of just living. She is one of my iconic examples of expressing what it feels like to be both carefree while simultaneously knowing that you might not be. She is one of my iconic examples because she encapsulates what it is to be free... and still struggle.

Carefree: free from (or without) anxiety or responsibility.

As in "she changed from a carefree girl into a woman"

SIS! BRUH! What in the hell? That's from the dictionary! I just... I can't... I... (Breathes deeply.) To that I say... fucketh thou society. Imma be free or at least die trying. Okay maybe not die, but will definitely try. Back to Solange.  

I guess if I'm honest, one of the things I like most about Solange is that she doesn't have a "storybook, cookie-cutter, perfectly-manicured" story. Well, perfect by some people standards. I mean she got married really young, had a child really young, the timeline for such is ... it is what it is.
We all know that she, just like the rest of us still faces internal battles. She still has moments of not being completely sure of oneself but she works through it. (Both her own personal struggles and that which is the elephant in the room: her older sis). And she's written about it. She's chronicled the process of the messy journey of discovering oneself, owning oneself, and the mistakes and triumphs made in the process. And then there's the whole elevator thing (which... as a woman with sisters... I'm pretty much okay with my honor being defended in this manner). She just over here living and still manages to find her joy, acknowledge her sadness, and flourish regardless.

She followed her own got-damn path, and for someone like me, who constantly feels like I'm starting over when compared to everyone else in my life, having a beacon like Solange makes me feel safer, makes me feel like I'm a part of a cool club of imperfect perfect young creatives trying to make away.

I love her aesthetic. I like that she knows who she is and does that. Nothing feels forced... anymore. I like that she's still a creative, a performer, with a unique voice. I like that her music videos have texture. Her creative team is bomb. BRAVO. I can always count on color. I can always count on small nuances from a side line character. I can always count on a still moment or shot that gives me my complete life. I mean... okay let's talk about "Cranes in the Sky" as an example. (This could be an entire dissertation because we outchea making deep artistic shit and being savage with metaphors so diatribes are needed to accurately dissect our work but we'll do a small something somethin' real quick.)

So, "Cranes in the Sky."  I mean I was really just sitting up in my room one day all perplexed thinking about the song title just confused, creating new neuro-pathways really analyzing like "hrmm.. long necked birds...that are white... flying... hmmm. What do I think, what do I think?"

Then, I found an interview where she talks about how she was in Miami, which is her second or third creative home, she quite literally looked up in the sky and saw the city changing with all if it's new development. There were literal cranes in the sky changing the very foundation, culture, ecosystem upon which her home, her creative home, had thrived. One's creative home is where the heart it. The structure of her heart and by extension, how she loved and created, was undergoing a forceable change. So she's having this upheaval in her home, but also experiencing upheavals in her life. Taking that metaphor, and pairing it with the other lyrics talking of all of these upheavals in  life all the while attempting to figure out a way to find balance, a sense of self, a sense of ease. And trying different ways to go about it - trying, and trying, and trying, and trying... and failing. There's nothing more human that that. Solange... WROTE THAT!

REVEALING HOW WE ALL FEEL TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS LIFE.

AND NOW I DON'T FEEL.... ALONE.

But she's not afraid to say it. And she's not afraid to fail. She's just gonna be and do and work and live and laugh and love along the way. 

So... I say all us follow suit.

Enjoy fam.

"Cranes in the Sky"

"Losing You"

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Ask Nneka the Uber Driver: Q & A (Parody)

It's kind of out of this world to think that we've already finished shooting a second round of footage of Nneka the Uber Driver. While we're working away here on post production, I wanted to bring you guys some behind-the-scenes footage of our girl Nneka in her element.

In this clip, Nneka is getting interviewed by the bigwigs at Uber. Yeah... she's moving on up. Unfortunately... Nneka doesn't like all of the questions being thrown her way. Enjoy.

And share!

52 Shorts in 52 Weeks

Short 1 - Mail.

Carefree Black Girl Spotlight: Khaleya Graham (Dancer)

"And the soul shall dance" as they say. This post... is about getting your life from dance. Phil Wright is a pretty solid choreographer. His vocabulary and musicality is interesting and textured. He creates routines that support the music and music that elevates his dance. He makes the kind of choreo that I love because it allows enigmatic dancers to put their own brand of stank on it without feeling clunky. Kendrick Lamar ain't too bad either. I think we can all agree that the song "Humble" is FIRE! 

But let me be clear, the only thing I really care about in the video below is Khaleya Graham, the resident #CarefreeBlackGirl dancing in the first group,  and how triflin' she is by basically annihilating this choreography and putting all the other dancers to shame. I mean... why keep watching? (You can because people are artists and they worked their butts off dancing.)

But she kiltttttt it.

 I mean, I threw my shoe at my computer while watching it.  

I was yelling at the computer screen. Yes, yelling "yaaaasss!" The digital age is really fascinating.

Then I felt shame that I was literally getting my life while sitting at a laptop so I did a shimmy real quick so that God knew that I appreciated having a body. Then I hit replay. And screamed again. I've watched this video so many times I've lost count and I was having a particular kind of day where I needed to encourage myself and low and behold, Youtube and all of it's algorithmic stalker tendencies said "I gotchu boo" and dropped the video into my suggestions. (What, youtube doesn't talk like that to you?) Here's a clip that features just her bit.

Enjoy.

#lifegot #humble #humbled #wheresmydanceclass #thelordknowsmyheart

Culture Points: 1000

Even watching it now I'm like.....

Clapbacks for When People Try to Silence You

Greetings

To the asshole who told me to shut-up and
     to the fake friend who told me to sit down 'cause I probably wasn't an expert and  
         to the do-nothing-all-day stranger who told me that I "should go back to (insert verb) and leave the (insert different verb) to "real" folks,

Fuck you.

Fuck you and your bullshit parameters regarding who is allowed to speak. No, you do not get a seat at the table in my head with your good-for-nothing metric stick of legitimacy. You don't get to "put me in my place." Belittling me into silence does not work here.

Signed
Most (Dis)respectfully Not Yours

Me.

Now,

To the Young Person Fighting for Your Voice in this World (Read: this letter is really for me)

Speak. Even if you have made a mistake, or two, or a thousand, speak. Even if you stumble to find the right adjectives, adverbs, or clauses to describe what you're feeling, what you saw, or what you need, speak. Even if you are only a single drop in a sea of a million, a powerful million, a dangerous million, speak.

Don't let others quell your voice. You have a right to an opinion. Why? What makes you so special? Because opinion,  opinion you cannot stop from forming. It is forged in experience. It is forged with intention. It is forged because you exist.

Those thoughts that ruminate in the recesses of your mind? Yeah, those can't be stolen. Let your voice be your victor. You've already had to fight to convince yourself that your voice matters. You've had to deal with your own judgmental thoughts and break down the negative speak in your head. Know this sis: the world is already good at tearing you down. Don't help them. The speak in your head should be positive. Prop yourself up with the pillars of experience and intuition. You're awareness is astute, don't question it.

Yes, you will make many mistakes on the way to self-actualization and maturity. Those mistakes may feel like they are haunting you something fierce. That's okay. Use them as lessons. As armor. Armor that you've earned and forged in the heat of experience. No, you will never be impenetrable, nor are you supposed to be. Nothing in this world is. Even rocks are warn down by steady persistent streams. And like flowing water, so too do you "simple" words have power, power to wear down, power to win, power to heal, power to illuminate truth and cast out darkness. Power.

Don't let your past keep you from speaking. Do your research. Take a step forward. Your words are needed.

So,
Speak
Speak up.
Speak up girl.

Signed,
You


PS. This letter is only for people with common sense and good home training. The rest of you? Please go read and book and go for a jog first. (See what I mean about the world being negative and stank).

5 Podcasts You Should Listen To Now: Summer 2017

My name is Nikki and I'm here to admit, I LOVE PODCASTS. But... podcasts are basically glorified AM radio stations... right? We can all admit that right? We basically gave AM radio a makeover and are taking it out a dates and will probably propose in a year a two because we're all in our late 20s/30s and pretty soon... I digress.

When did the podcast zeitgiest hit? When did it become cool? I really wanna to know who was able to give these old, crusty-esque, for your great-grandpa media platforms a facelift so that I can say.

Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you for making podcasts cool.

If I'm honest, I would have come around and joined the bandwagon soon enough but it feels good to publicly declare my love for podcasts. The one's that I listen to, anyway. I don't want to knock the old Frasier Crane's of yore (shoutout to Cheers and Frasier), but fuddy-duddies are not my cup of hot tea. The podcasts I listen to are biting, informative, witty, fresh, and honest. Straight no chaser. I gets my life (and motivation) with daily doses from the frontmen who work the mics. (What do we call them, podcasters? Hype-men? DJs? Because... I don't want to call them the voices in my head. That would not bode well for any future testimonies I may or may not have to give.)

Anyway, here's a list of podcasts that I tune into on the daily for some time. It's not the exhaustive list nor are they free of faults, but they work for me.

Tiny Desk Concerts (NPR)

This little gem of a podcast is pretty self explanatory. "Our favorite musicians perform at the NPR Music office." I had this image of everyone at NPR being fuddy duddy and very unrelateable. And while that may still be true (hey, I'm not in charge of their PR okay) the staff there has really great taste in music. And the artists? They really do perform at tiny desks! HA! Love it. The artists perform 3-5 songs showcasing their hits, but in a new way, as well as performing some new stuff that they may even have written the day of (hello Chance the Rapper). I love the ambience that the audience adds to the recording (could you imagine having Adele, D.R.A.M or Tank and the Bangas playing a concert doing your lunch hour ... AND you get to go!?). Yes here for it and also new stuff that their working on. I stay getting my life and even when I don't recognize the name of the artist that pops up on my headphones--autoplay queen here--I always, always always love what I'm hearing.

'Breaking Into Startups' -
First of all, there is such a thing as having a zaddy voice. Ruben Harris, one of the hosts, has a quiet storm zaddy voice that I could listen to all day! #NotAshamed #YouCanFightMeOnThis. That alone could have me coming back. That aside, they are my kind of people. Their mission is to "feature inspiring stories of people who broke into tech from non-traditional backgrounds" and they manage to offer you inspiring stories, tangible teams, honest reflections all the while educating you along the way. Full disclosure: I'm learning how to code so their schtick is motivating as hell. I save every episode it seems and when I'm having down moments and want to throw my computer across the room, they talk me back. They feature folks working in the industry across the spectrum from ex-felons, actors, teen moms, and career changers who have had a life. I'm game. Also remember, ZADDY VOICES.

2 Dope Queens - 
God bless these two women, Phoebe Robinson & Jessica Williams. Talk about a breath of fresh air! I like their format A LOT. It's variety show meets podcast. They talk to one another in front of a live studio audience and offer commentary on pop-culture and whatever the hell else the fancy and then then also feature comedians in the show who are well known enough to have a following but aren't too big time where the audience doesn't automatically laugh at their jokes. (I realize this may sound like an insult but it isn't!) The live show aspect provides a nuance that I like...it's like another host/character to the show that otherwise would be silenced. I think it's great because the ladies are probably making some money off the live shows that are taped in Boston.

I also like the fact that they are two women, two different types of women, two different types of black women, and let's be honest, we don't always get to celebrate that or show that kind of range. If you go on auditions for a black women, if you don't have "All my life I had to fight" Sista Soldier or "What sclap did clap you clap say clap" The ClapBack 'ghetto' queen, you basically have no lines until you prove the casting director otherwise. So to have more tropes, aka representation... means (in Oprah voice) PS. All of those women exist in all of us, but that's not all we are.

'The Gary Vee Audio Experience'
Hosted by Gary Vaynerchuk, serial entrepreneur, this podcast is really appendage with audio footage from his interviews, musings, and lifestyle. He can feel off-putting AF, but he manages to sound almost like your douchey tech-brow brother, without being one...completely. Like you love him, and his wise, but you also hate that he's always right...but he's your brother so it's kinda okay. He's also the children of immigrants, and as the child of immigrants who understands the struggle and the hustle, I gravitate towards his manifesto. True, he's not about changing any system per say. It's more, "accept that this is what is, whatever your short end of the stick is, then fuck that shit up just by working hard." Find what you do well and go all in. Although he was a poor student in school, he focused on his business acument (his poison: selling baseball cards and then eventually advancing his father's wine business as well as investing in major companies like Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.) Right moment, right time, right work ethic.

Dear Sugar Radio - 
They talk about the real, not perfect shit, but the real ugly stuff that happens in life. But then... they also have that nice soft sounding radio announcer voice that I grew up listening to on my mom's car... so it all works in a weird way? And when I say the real, I mean the real. Parental drama, Infidelity, Finances, etc. It's all there. Even the hosts talk about their own faults and imperfections in an honest, intelligent, but very no-holds-bar, way. Folks write in about their problems and the two hosts, Cheryl Strayed, author of NYT bestseller 'Wild', and Steve Almond respond to the questions. They also "phone a friend" who's related to the topic at hand to give some more nuanced perspective, which I appreciate. They manage to make me care about things I wouldn't normally think to care about... like the feelings of a trust-fund kid who doesn't know what to do with having everything. #lifeishardforallofus #Imeantthat #okayImeantitsortof

What do you think about my recommendations? Let me know!

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