Basic AF Guide to Self-Love on Valentine's Day & The 5 Love Languages

It's the day of love. (No, it's not basic to want to celebrate Valentine's Day!) It's nice to have a day dedicated to love (or the idea of it anyway). Love's cute... ish. But self-love, now that's beautiful. And so, this Valentine's Day, I say spend a little time loving up on you!

I'm also fascinated by the concept of love languages. If you aren't familiar, it's an idea that breaks down the ways to express and experience love into 5 categories. It's based on the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by pastor and Dr. Gary Chapman. There are 5 primary love languages: physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, and quality time. My love languages are very much acts of service and quality time. You can take a quiz here to figure out what your love languages are.

The idea behind the book is that once you know how you and those you care about receive love, you can get to affirming that love in a way that they can actually feel and understand. This is a game-changer! What if, instead of waiting for others to properly show their love to you ('cause let's be honest, this can be hard), what if... you loved on yourself! 

Boom!

So, for this most sacred of non-sacred days, I present to you a how-to-guide-for-self-love-on-Valentine's-Day, vis a vis, the 5 love languages. Enjoy

Physical Touch
Basic Tenant: Learn to love your body.

• Masturbate
• Give yourself a gentle head massage.
• Lightly touch, tickle, wiggle and/or graze parts of your body that are often 
• eg. feet, knees, calves, hips, biceps, elbows, neck, fingers, toes. 

Quality Time
Basic Tenant: Solitude (or Taking Yourself Out aka Enjoying Your Own Dang Company)

• Collect your Favorite things. 
• Find a quiet area/room/corner. Lock the door (or build a fort).
• Spend time by yourself and enjoy your own entertaining and glorious-ass company. 

This, without a doubt, will be me.

Acts of Service
Basic Tenant: Take care of your (basic) needs.

• Put a small task on your to-do list, do it, and cross it off.
• Pay for someone else to do a task on our to-do-list, and cross it off.
• Take an Uber/Lyft/Rideshare to work
• Get your groceries delivered
• Hire a chariot to take you around the neighborhood.
• Order a cleaning service
• Get a mani/pedi/eyebrow situation going 

Words of Affirmation
Basic Tenant: Positive Self-Talk/Be Your Biggest Cheerleader

• Take your phone and go into a quiet area.
• Record yourself saying favorite things about yourself (go as far back as you want to)
• Go to a mirror. Look at yourself. Smile in the mirror. Play the recording.
• (Alternatively you can just go to a mirror and say the things. I find that the recording may help for the future when you don't believe how awesome you are, or can't put the words together, and need an outside force to tell you.)
• If you cry. It's okay. 
• If you struggle, go find some Maya Angelou text. Be Uplifted. 

Gifts
Basic Tenant: Self-Investment

• Buy. Yourself. Some. Nice. Shit. 
• Twice over. 
• Minimum of $20.
• Maximum - The limit does not exist. 

Happy Valentine's Day. 
(Leave a note in the comments with your love language!)

PS. If you have duo-love languages, by all means mix and match my suggestions above.

• Quality time + physical touch = Masturbate
• Words of affirmation + gifts = Buy yourself a trinket with a powerful quote... or get a tattoo. 
• Acts of service + quality time = Book a 2-hour massage, or book four 30-min sessions for the next 4 months.

PSS. If you know someone's love language, share the love. Sprinkle them with some warmth.