I am the oldest in a large Nigerian family. Nigerians... have strong AF personalities. SHTKRONG!
They *will* get their point across, one way or another. Some, through immense action, and some, through adamant relentless inaction. In my family I've got a sister who is wordsmith assassin with the ability to make grown men cry with a single 180 character text message. Another sister's who's tiny but who's wit will make you crumble. Another who will listen to you in earnest then respond to you with "I hear you but that's nonsense"... because it is. I have who's feelings you cannot hurt because he does not care and another brother who we refer to ask the sniper because he's not always saying something but when he does, phew. Good luck.
And then there's my mom. A Nigerian woman. The first in her family. Survivor of a civil war. Widowed at a young age. And she raised all 6 of us. She's got lots of opinions and has been able to parent solo-dolo for decades. Her opinions have gone unchecked for a minute. (When it's in my favor, I love it. When it's not... UHMMMM).
And then there's me. I can be explained as an anomaly in my family by 3 recent short stories.
Story 1 - Baby Brother Peptalk
Recently my baby brother told me, and I quote, "You need to be a bigger asshole."
"A what?"
"A bigger asshole. This family is filled with assholes and you're just..." he motions awkwardly taking his hands outward towards the horizon... as if to say I am softie.
"I can be an asshole! I just don't see the point."
"Nah. Be a bigger asshole. I want greater things for you!"
End of conversation.
The heck! This is from my baby brother and he straight up gives me "I am your dad advice" talks. And I stand.
Story 2 - Sister's Secret Gossip
My family refers to me as "the writer." They constantly send me drafts of things to edit, fix for grammar, make flourish and pop off the page. You get my drift.
Baby sister comes downstairs. Mind you... she had sent me an email earlier that day intended for editing... she wanted to send it to one of her supervisors at work.
"So... we've been talking and... you been slacking on editing and advice giving duties."
"Who is we?
"The sisters and I have decided that you're writing hasn't been poppin' lately. It's like you DGAF!"You just said some bullshit about how it was fine."
"No, but then---"
"No no no... Do better."
She walks off.
This is my baby sister... also giving me life advice.
Story 3 - Mom
My mom is an educator which means in addition to educating she is surrounded by bullshit bureaucracy. From time to time she's ask me to edit important memos to make sure that the tone is right.
"Nicki, you're such a good writer. You're so diplomatic."
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are. You know how to say things and you always try to keep the peace."
"I mean doesn't everyone."
"No."
Me Now
You know what, fuck it all. Honestly, I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or if it's because I'm over the bullshit, but fuck diplomacy sometimes. A lot of people are walking around this world not knowing they can be better by doing better if they heard better from a friend... or a diplomatic hater. Sometimes you need to fucking tell someone the truth about themselves (albeit with as few profane words as possible... and maybe not write it down then rehearse it).
(Aww shit.. I did it again. GRRRR! I guess... I don't know how to not be rude. Ah well!)
They *will* get their point across, one way or another. Some, through immense action, and some, through adamant relentless inaction. In my family I've got a sister who is wordsmith assassin with the ability to make grown men cry with a single 180 character text message. Another sister's who's tiny but who's wit will make you crumble. Another who will listen to you in earnest then respond to you with "I hear you but that's nonsense"... because it is. I have who's feelings you cannot hurt because he does not care and another brother who we refer to ask the sniper because he's not always saying something but when he does, phew. Good luck.
And then there's my mom. A Nigerian woman. The first in her family. Survivor of a civil war. Widowed at a young age. And she raised all 6 of us. She's got lots of opinions and has been able to parent solo-dolo for decades. Her opinions have gone unchecked for a minute. (When it's in my favor, I love it. When it's not... UHMMMM).
And then there's me. I can be explained as an anomaly in my family by 3 recent short stories.
Story 1 - Baby Brother Peptalk
Recently my baby brother told me, and I quote, "You need to be a bigger asshole."
"A what?"
"A bigger asshole. This family is filled with assholes and you're just..." he motions awkwardly taking his hands outward towards the horizon... as if to say I am softie.
"I can be an asshole! I just don't see the point."
"Nah. Be a bigger asshole. I want greater things for you!"
End of conversation.
The heck! This is from my baby brother and he straight up gives me "I am your dad advice" talks. And I stand.
Story 2 - Sister's Secret Gossip
My family refers to me as "the writer." They constantly send me drafts of things to edit, fix for grammar, make flourish and pop off the page. You get my drift.
Baby sister comes downstairs. Mind you... she had sent me an email earlier that day intended for editing... she wanted to send it to one of her supervisors at work.
"So... we've been talking and... you been slacking on editing and advice giving duties."
"Who is we?
"The sisters and I have decided that you're writing hasn't been poppin' lately. It's like you DGAF!"You just said some bullshit about how it was fine."
"No, but then---"
"No no no... Do better."
She walks off.
This is my baby sister... also giving me life advice.
Story 3 - Mom
My mom is an educator which means in addition to educating she is surrounded by bullshit bureaucracy. From time to time she's ask me to edit important memos to make sure that the tone is right.
"Nicki, you're such a good writer. You're so diplomatic."
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are. You know how to say things and you always try to keep the peace."
"I mean doesn't everyone."
"No."
Me Now
You know what, fuck it all. Honestly, I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or if it's because I'm over the bullshit, but fuck diplomacy sometimes. A lot of people are walking around this world not knowing they can be better by doing better if they heard better from a friend... or a diplomatic hater. Sometimes you need to fucking tell someone the truth about themselves (albeit with as few profane words as possible... and maybe not write it down then rehearse it).
(Aww shit.. I did it again. GRRRR! I guess... I don't know how to not be rude. Ah well!)
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| Self Awareness is Everything |