SXSW 2015: Fangirling and Inspiration-Hunting

So, It's my first SXSW.

I'm uber excited.

Can you tell? (Mind you... I have like 1 or 2 days free days in which I can actually participate but...)

IT'S ONE BIGASS ARTS FESTIVAL in a state I was born and raised in and went to grad school in and I haven't ever fucking been!? WTH. I judge myself. I spent the early afternoon waiting in line sweating, feeling nervous, getting overwhelmed by the throngs of people that I've never seen in this city before, trying to figure out if it was actually going to happen. As if I didn't belong.

And after a bit of a wait, and more wait, followed by some stern eye shade at mofos trying to ump ahead and cut because that's how things sometimes go in life (namaste, I need to remember that for the future), I was awarded my first little humble free SXSW film wristband.

I felt like Charlie with his little golden ticket. #Goober #DontCare My employers gave me the choice of choosing between a film and music wristband and I chose film, much to their surprise. For a second I thought I was being whack but then I remembered crowds aren't always the safest for my kind. (I dare you to comment about what you think I mean by that). But whatever, I'm a budding media mogul. I need to be bouncing around my colleagues and get inspired. Isn't it cute?!

I left the convention center thinking two major things.

1. Man, I need to (continue) to make my own shit and don't self-promote it. If  I'm not speaking for myself, who will? And also, if I'm obsessing and overwhelmed by a sea of new faces at this immense cultural event, I won't make it. There just too much damn competition that way. Too many people "to beat out." But if I'm thinking, this is a neat idea, let's go shoot/write/produce/perform this real quick. Then voila, content created and I am the master of my own universe. 
2. Thought Deux - Fuck it! I'm buying an all-access pass for my birthday. Why the hell not? So many other people do. Why do I need to wait around to get a hookup, for someone else to give me something? I mean hookups are great but I can do all bad by my own. (I'm starting to feel like I sound like a 90s romance novel that's been stuck on the shelves of Wal-Mart for way toooo long. You know what I'm talking about?)

I can make my own shit and I should surround myself by other people who do as well. I knew I was on the right mental train of thought when I nabbed some cool swag. I mean how can I pass up a chance to get some inspo from "Maven/Mogul/Artist/Creator/BadAss AVA DUVERNAY?! Let's go! 

Side Note: Ya'll know when I tried to ask for a map they low-key shaded me and said, "well you should have it with your badge and your grab bag." Bump that. I have google map app and wifi and I can do bad all my myself. (Ok I need to retire that phrase for at least 3 months.) 

Oh yeah....Why do I feel like I'm not telling the complete truth about "going to SXSW":

• Do I have access to special events before other people? Yes. 
• Did I get this access for free? Yes. 
• Do I have access to everything that SXSW has to offer? No. 
• Would I be able to do it all even if I had? Hell-to-the-naw. Ain't nobody gots time for that. Literally

But who fucking cares! Let's experience some art and engage with it!

Orgasmic Creation

Orgasmic. Is that what living in your purpose feels like? That sensation of constantly increasing excitement while doing (your) work? Waiting hungrily for the next moment of (revolutionary) ideas, thoughts, and content, until you reach a euphoric release at the moment of completion?

I'm gonna say... yeah. To be fair, I apologize about that intro paragraph. I really wanted to write about what an orgasm feels like....And mommy if you are reading this, I mean what I think an orgasm feels like. I'm just guessing, I promise. I'm still a chaste woman. (Now that I've written that, I'm thinking, can you still be considered "chaste" and "womanly" at the same time?" I mean, unless you are some type of nun?)

Anyway, I haven't had the best of years as of late. But I'm sure everyone feels that way. Even typing this post highlights my fortune. I have fingers to write/type this. But it's been tough. That being said, I'm living in a moment of orgasmic creativity. Not only am I in a show that's running and selling out where I play a badass goddess, but I'm actively developing my passion for writing and producing.

I recently had a reading of a play I wrote. I was scared shitless. I mean, the level of public ridicule that could occur and I advertised it! Where they do that at?! I emailed friends and colleagues, numerous of whom were unaware that I'd been writing extensively for the past few years. I put myself out there (in my own little way). That feeling when you invite someone to a party and remind them about it... you can't really take it back.

I was NOT, however, bold enough to invite EVERYONE. Sue me

you know what....

It rocked! People actually enjoyed themselves. I mean I'd even made a night of it with an awesome spread to dull the senses by warming their bellies. Made sure to somewhat be self-deprecating (c'mon...be honest. that works for everyone. A little self-loathing goes a long way)

And I got honest, critical, and positive feedback. "You like me, you really like me!" (Congratulations Sally Field for being immortalized in the American entertainment canon for years to come with that quote. Girl, you certainly knew how to milk that moment.)

Sally Fields LIVING!

Best thing about it, it's in the world. And I have notes to make this bad boy more evocative, powerful, inspiring, and I'm now working on other pieces that I've been scared to work on. In part because of judgement, but also because I'm discussing issues that are dangerous and there are even closer to my heart.

So yay to orgasmic productivity, creation, and development. Whether it be the next hot app, movie, or medical innovation, I'm all for it.

#YASSSS