SXSW 2015: Fangirling and Inspiration-Hunting

So, It's my first SXSW.

I'm uber excited.

Can you tell? (Mind you... I have like 1 or 2 days free days in which I can actually participate but...)

IT'S ONE BIGASS ARTS FESTIVAL in a state I was born and raised in and went to grad school in and I haven't ever fucking been!? WTH. I judge myself. I spent the early afternoon waiting in line sweating, feeling nervous, getting overwhelmed by the throngs of people that I've never seen in this city before, trying to figure out if it was actually going to happen. As if I didn't belong.

And after a bit of a wait, and more wait, followed by some stern eye shade at mofos trying to ump ahead and cut because that's how things sometimes go in life (namaste, I need to remember that for the future), I was awarded my first little humble free SXSW film wristband.

I felt like Charlie with his little golden ticket. #Goober #DontCare My employers gave me the choice of choosing between a film and music wristband and I chose film, much to their surprise. For a second I thought I was being whack but then I remembered crowds aren't always the safest for my kind. (I dare you to comment about what you think I mean by that). But whatever, I'm a budding media mogul. I need to be bouncing around my colleagues and get inspired. Isn't it cute?!

I left the convention center thinking two major things.

1. Man, I need to (continue) to make my own shit and don't self-promote it. If  I'm not speaking for myself, who will? And also, if I'm obsessing and overwhelmed by a sea of new faces at this immense cultural event, I won't make it. There just too much damn competition that way. Too many people "to beat out." But if I'm thinking, this is a neat idea, let's go shoot/write/produce/perform this real quick. Then voila, content created and I am the master of my own universe. 
2. Thought Deux - Fuck it! I'm buying an all-access pass for my birthday. Why the hell not? So many other people do. Why do I need to wait around to get a hookup, for someone else to give me something? I mean hookups are great but I can do all bad by my own. (I'm starting to feel like I sound like a 90s romance novel that's been stuck on the shelves of Wal-Mart for way toooo long. You know what I'm talking about?)

I can make my own shit and I should surround myself by other people who do as well. I knew I was on the right mental train of thought when I nabbed some cool swag. I mean how can I pass up a chance to get some inspo from "Maven/Mogul/Artist/Creator/BadAss AVA DUVERNAY?! Let's go! 

Side Note: Ya'll know when I tried to ask for a map they low-key shaded me and said, "well you should have it with your badge and your grab bag." Bump that. I have google map app and wifi and I can do bad all my myself. (Ok I need to retire that phrase for at least 3 months.) 

Oh yeah....Why do I feel like I'm not telling the complete truth about "going to SXSW":

• Do I have access to special events before other people? Yes. 
• Did I get this access for free? Yes. 
• Do I have access to everything that SXSW has to offer? No. 
• Would I be able to do it all even if I had? Hell-to-the-naw. Ain't nobody gots time for that. Literally

But who fucking cares! Let's experience some art and engage with it!

I Am A Badass.... (I Think I Can. I Know I Can. I Will.)

I am working to transform my stories from the written page into fully mounted productions, ie getting them mounted on a stage or edited into a film. However, I am, by nature, someone who wants to know everything about a task/project/place before I make a single step in its direction. I want to feel fully equipped to handle every possible mishap and figure out its solution. Call me the Queen of Research if you want... actually don't call me that. There is nothing appealing or badass about that title. Ick. Next.

But, since I am attracted to badasses and I want to be one, one day, I have force myself to get over my bullshit anxiety. Badasses don't need to know everything to make a move.Well behaved women rarely make history. No guts no glory. I'm looking especially to AFFRM (African-American Film Festival Releasing Movement) founder, television & film director, and one of my biggest inspirations Ava DuVernay who says

“You can’t move forward when your actions hinge on someone else doing something for you. All the time you spend focused on trying to move ahead in the industry, trying to grab, is time you’re not doing the work. Waiting for permission, waiting for help, waiting for understanding is not doing. You gotta knock it off."

Several things help me move forward.

• I don't have all the financial support needed to endow me with the uber-confidence needed to pursue my ridiculous ambitions. And yet support systems, whether they be a partner/spouse, family member, or (ride-or-die) friend, are paramount in achieving anything. No one achieves anything great without help. But I do have some support. I have a few pillars that I can lean on when my confidence is shot.

• Collaboration is fucking key. Doing things by yourself, in the grand scheme of things, albeit safe, is stupid. Supremely stupid. Sure, you won't disappoint others by failing them and they can't hurt you by not following through. But the depth and level of success you can attain by working with a group of contributors working and riffing off of one another's ideas is enough to make me run headfirst into a jazz jam session. (I think there's a metaphor in there. Go with it. I mean it!)

• Being a boss is cool. Rappers talk about it, CEOs talk about it, Presidents talk about it. But all jest aside, I'm super excited to make an impact. I'd rather embarrass myself in an attempt to make something that matters to me, and perhaps others, than being jealous of someone else who had the courage to go for it.

So with those tools in hand, I am putting my producer hat into the next gear. I'm working harder than ever, and it hurts. And?