I enjoy attending a good worship service. I do so with an open mind but I also know to engage/question what I hear. I can commune with others and get centered for the week.
However, being the human that I am, I... at times, my mind runs a mile a minute. Here is one such marathon than recently occurred.
* * * *
Okay!
Okay!
I see you fam.
Man, the fashion in church is on point today. I...really feel like a bum. I should really start to try dress up more for the Lordt. Or at least moe makeup. But wait,I'm not here for a fashion show. That's vanity. But if I care enough to put on makeup for an interview or an audition, I should care enough for the Lordt. I'm a bad person. Wait, if I've acknowledged my shortcomings, doesn't that mean I'm a good person?
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| "Nix, You is Good. You is Kind. You is Important." - Auntie Viola |
Okay! I see lesbians in the house living their lives all Christian and what not. I see you. I see you 2017. And, coming through in the rear, we've got several effeminate male couples. (That's a pun. I'm so clever. Who can I share this joke with in here. Wait, can I talk about homosexuality at in a black church? Or is that reserved for Unitarian churches? Or is that Universalist churches? Am I the only one who thinks of these things?)
So, black churches are being open *and* saving souls. Gon' head. When did I start saying 'gon head? It's time to leave the South. Thank God for AC. How much does it cost to keep the AC running in the place? Is this church considered a mega-church? What constitutes a mega-church? Multiple serves in one day? Streaming those services online? Why didn't I just watch it online today? You see/hear me Lordt? I'm being a responsible adult. Look at me taking a shower, going to church, praising the Lordt and shit. I mean, stuff. Nikki, stop swearing already.
So, black churches are being open *and* saving souls. Gon' head. When did I start saying 'gon head? It's time to leave the South. Thank God for AC. How much does it cost to keep the AC running in the place? Is this church considered a mega-church? What constitutes a mega-church? Multiple serves in one day? Streaming those services online? Why didn't I just watch it online today? You see/hear me Lordt? I'm being a responsible adult. Look at me taking a shower, going to church, praising the Lordt and shit. I mean, stuff. Nikki, stop swearing already.
The Lordt knows my heart.
It's so cute to see so many black people in one space just being happy... and free... and not feeling like someone is gonna die. Fuck. I just bummed myself out. Okay, wait, let me find a happy place.
There are a lot of families in this church. Will I ever have kids? Do all these kids have fathers? Why did I just think that? But where is their father? Is he watching football? Is he atheist? Is he at work? Is he dead?
I miss my dad.
I'm glad my mom is still alive.
My mom is crazy. Okay not crazy-crazy... just Nigerian.
How many choirs does this church need to have? I should join a ministry. But folks is nosy? When did I start saying "folks is"? Whatever, fuck the patriarchy and colonialism, people know what I mean. It's not lost on me that I'm in a church worshipping while also thinking "fuck the patriarchy and colonialism." I'm a complex person. I like me. Oh, this is my SONG! Does the choir *really* have to stay for all the day's services? Are they annoyed that they've already heard this sermon today? You know, pastors are great actors. This is like a standup set. I need to work on my stand-up set later. I also need to work on some monologues when I get home.
When does the pastor get home? Or, does he go out to eat? Do people feed him? Does his wife go too? Are they still happy? Like for real, for real? Maybe? I hope so. Are they in counseling? Should all couples go to counseling?
Why do pastor's at bigger churches have a secret service team? Do they get paid? What's the job title, deacon? Or is that just what they called them on that TV show "Amen." That was a good show. (Humming the theme song. Realizes people can here me. Pulls out phone to read lyrics.) This still counts as getting the Word right?
How come some churches feel like tourist attractions? How come churches spend money on things like crucifix-like obelisks? Couldn't that money have gone to a shelter... or several shelters? I'm pretty sure it could have. I mean at least at the Vatican, there is space in that mug so theoretically, it could house people. But a giant statue, that just seams odd?
Ooop, the sermon is starting, where's my pen?
-Fin
Let's not even get started with trying to figure out the leaving situation. Folks stay leaving before the sermon is over. It's like cue the "let's save someone" music and people want to be the rush.
I can't.
Also...